Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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