Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize