My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
