I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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