this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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