A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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