i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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