the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize