Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
