You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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