I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
