there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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