My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
