Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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