Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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