I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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