You just made me feel so damn special
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
