I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
