We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
