3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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