sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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