friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
