Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
