I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My cat gives me a boner
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
