It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
