I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
