He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
