If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize