Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
