She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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