I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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