Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
