am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
