if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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