I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
