Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
