I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
