I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
