i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
