im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
