I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
