Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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