i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
