my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
