He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize