The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
