your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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