I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
