My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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