I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
