He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
