I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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