just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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