I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Say something about gay babies.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
