I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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