Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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