someone threw a dead crab at me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
