shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
