well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize