Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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