it wasn't lemon gatorade
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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