Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Damn victory sex feels great
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
