I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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