the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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