I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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