But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
