Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
