It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
