that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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