i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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