i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God, I missed his penis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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