Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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