I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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