Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
