Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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