I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize