first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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