You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
