need another drink. this is the easiest way
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
