i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
