ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
