So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
