he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
