You're my little dorito
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize