They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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