no, he came in my armpit
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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