Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
