She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
should my penis look like a turkey
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
