I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize