let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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