how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
