Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
