is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
