Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
