About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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