It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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