Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
