if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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