I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize