the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How naked do you want me to be?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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