Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
