Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
