i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
