Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
