dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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