My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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