OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Farmville is her only friend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
